all is fair in LOVE and WAR..

                                  I have loved to the point of madness;

                                       That which is called madness,

                                                  That which to me,

                                      Is the only sensible way to love.

   I see you, I feel you, I had you, I lost you. Visions of what used-to-be's are now just thoughts and dreams. Laughters, sorrows, happiness, cries, jokes, smiles, frowns, shrugs, pictures of time, starting to fade into simple memories.  

   I can never blame you if I could not let you go. Everything seems to be just a fantasy that I could just wish, when I close my eyes, will all take place. It became too late for me to let you know. I tried to hide everything; the never ending cries every night, the pain I feel whenever I hear your voice, the pictures of wonderful yet hurtful memories with you, the fake smiles and laughters that I pretend to show whenever you're around, the time I spent blaming myself for what you did and, the indistinctively strong love I feel for you.

   The madness that love carries took over me. Letting it take over me was my biggest mistake. Moving on was the hardest part.

   I'm grateful because, somehow, you've shown me a thing or two about true bliss. You taught me to laugh. You taught me to fool around. You taught me to learn from my mistakes. You've shown me that even the little things will take space in the heart. You've shown me true friendship. You've shown me care. You gave me a temporary reason to be happy. The irony is, you never learned to love me.

   You left me longing for your love. You were given the chance. You promised but you lied to me. Yes, you did.

   You never cared, even if you said you did. You got angry when I told you, you didn't. You put the blame on me. But I never cursed you. Never.

   You took my heart, swore to take care of it whatever it takes, but you gave it back, BROKEN.

   SHOULD I PITY MYSELF?

   Will time heal my wounds? Will it hurt? Will it scar? Will it get all better in time? CAN I EVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU?

   Questions without answers. Events without explanations. Pain with no end. Wound without remedy. Scars that never fade. Devastated with despair.

   IT'S A LIE TO SAY THAT I'VE LET GO OF THE PAST. I CAN NEVER LET GO OF MEMORIES. EACH TEAR IS AN UNFORGETTABLE MEMORY. EACH SMILE IS AN UNDENIABLE MARK. EACH HEARTBREAK IS AN UNERASABLE SCAR.

   PAINFUL TRUTH.

        there is no particular reason why love strikes two people that are said to be "made for each other". they just fall madly inlove, and with the cliche', "..and they lived happily ever after..", they reinvent the truth and ignore what's really the main part of love-PAIN.

        i for one have experienced this kind of love. setting aside the truth, i lied to myself and had this ongoing fantasy in my mind, "..and they lived happily ever after..blah blah blah". fooling myself was my biggest and dumbest mistake. FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, I KEPT MYSELF HANGING ON A THREAD! (really stupid, i know). this misconception brought me to my ever dearest friend now, PAIN. devastating as it may seem, i've successfully splurged and plunged into the deepest of the deep sea of LIES. over and over in my head, i kept picturing myself with what's never going to happen , ever. i lost my dignity and hit the ground, hard. I've come abase.

        i've come to ABNEGATION, probably because of the tragedy that left me ABIOTIC and PITIFUL. the affliction of love left me broken, and it became too hard for me to move on, maybe because, though i deny it, i still feel the indistinctively strong love for him. i've gone through a heck of a lot of hardships throughout my life, from friend problems, to family problems, even problems to myself, but this maybe, is the worst.

        i tried to abate the pain. i wish it's just like howpain killers work, you just pop a pill in your mouth, and in about a few minutes, the pain goes away. too bad that's not how love works. you have to endure the pain no matter how hurtful it becomes. IT'S THE SAD TRUTH.