oyeah you read it right, i had fun in zoology lab1. haha, pathetic. how can someone have fun staring at skinned toads and preserved specimens for like 3 hours?hahaha. well, i did, i did! haha. besides, i was with my new friends. sydney was so cute. she was like, "sup men!" haha. with this cute gesture of raising her shoulders. haha. and then there was michi, who was sooo silent, staring at the frog, good thing she didn't talk to it. hehe. and there was MARS. haha. hilarious! she was "fooling around" with the toad. hahah. she made me laugh til i cried. haha. our toads went skinny dipping, literally, in the sink. haha. lab time was so much fun. we had no quiz. well, i had fun. i think this was my best la salle day ever. :)for now. haha:D ANIMO LA SALLE!!
P.S: i actually don't know how to start this blog entry, basically because i don't know how to explain how i felt the second i knew this info. pathetic maybe, unexplainable? DEFINITELY.-hannah it started the time i miss called him. then, "he" replied, "hus dis?". in my mind i thought maybe he meant to erase my number on his phone book but i wasn't expecting that it wasn't even really him. it was his girl. the one he used to hate. the one he used to call, "abno". the girl whom he said he never loved. for a second there, i was confused cause he said to me that whatever happens, he can never love that girl. i analyzed the situation, thought it thoroughly, but i can't even explain it. i turned the situation upside down, you know, to attempt to find the answers to my questions, but i can't. my mind is so confused. i texted back and said that i was hannah. later i found out that the girl was angry at me. why you ask? yeah she was angry at me. Why? i don't know. maybe because she found out that i loved him. well, is that a CRIME?! even if i don't want to, i said sorry to her. well, she forgave me. it's not my fault anyway. well, i don't know if i can ever understand love. its too complicated.
As the breeze is changing and the day unwinding, the stars start shining and the night is calling. Silence filling the air, not a hush, not a sound and not a word is heard. Two lovers never meant to be, star crossed lovers as you may say, continues to fight, to fight for their love. But the moment has come, finally coming to an end. So this day, together they stand, walking hand in hand, facing their fears.
As the night grew deeper, she gently lets go of his hand. Slowly, turning her back, drops of tears slowly falls from her precious eyes. She can't help the thought of regret. Why did it have to end like this? As she walks away, wishfully thinking that he would stop her and keep her in his arms for eternity and would never let go. But no, he didn't stop her, he gazed at her back, while a thousand confusing thoughts fill every corner of his mind. Why did she do this? Every "whys" he asked himself, he found every breath he took weighing on his chest. Slowly, he as well walked, not daring to look back.
From the moment they spent together, to the day they let go of each other, now is just a forgotten memory of the two lovers, never meant to be.
this was a great composition made by my good friend shayne. she's in the u.s now. i miss her, so i decided to put this on my blog. i miss u shayne!:)
it was just a week ago when i visited my high school..it's organized with all the changes(well, bagong pintura ang school, may bago ding cool store sa may labas, tambayan ng mga mahilig bumili ng girly stuff). bms was still a decent school(much more decent now than before! since our batch graduated, mas maayos na ang school, haha). but i still can't help myself crying cause i miss highschool soooo bad. i think it was the best time of my life.
well, highschool's long long over. tapos na ung maliligayang araw naming magkakasama. highschool felt like freedom. i was free. now, i'm in college, and college ain't a bed of roses dearies.
well, its not the story. my purpose in visiting the school is not just about seeing the changes and looking back to my long lost hs memoirs, its kinda about the guy. every time i have flashbacks, its constantly about him. dang, he was still making me nervous. apart from ignoring me, he was just like the same old guy i met, with all the looks and everything. but still, things changed. NO MORE, "GUY" I SHARED ALL MY SECRETS WITH, NO MORE "GUY" I TOTALLY LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF WITH, NO MORE "GUY" I GAVE MY TIME TO, NO MORE "GUY" I CRIED TO AND NO MORE "GUY" THAT I LOVE.
things did change, drastically. evrytime, i tried to make conversations with the guy, umuurong yata ung dila ko. nakakainis kung baga. if i could turn back time, i would choose to never meet him. i wouldn't like to spend my whole senior year trying to make it work.well, who would? sa dinami dami ng lalaki sa mundo, aba e siya pa. i don't even get
it. he's not the greatest guy in the world, but i fell for him. dang it.
but i think, one thing never changed. he was till making me nervous, everytime, i see him, my heart beats like hell. 
it's 12:30 pm, june 24 2008. wow, the long weekend finished so fast. its tuesday(araw ng maynila), yeah, and guess what, no classes. yesterday was free day too cause of typhoon frank. it was raining really hard, dangerous to ride a bus to manila. so there, i had two free days. well, i think those two days were kinda wasted. i did almost nothing.
friday was totally cool, cause i went back to my highschool, saw a lot of close friends and teachers. what a flashback. i was still welcome to the bms family. but i was kind of a blur cause of the "BOY" i saw(yeah you know,haha). didn't even bother to look at me. so rude. to even think that we were thought of as "bestfriends". guess that part was long long over.yeah.
saturday was tiring. i had to do chores and cook for the family(oyeah, i cook:)). i had little time to read leoncini's handouts. guess im gonna cram again. haha.
sunday was the highlight of my weekend. went to church and saw lots of friends. that afternoon, i had fun at home. hahaha..
monday, another blur. it was raining real hard. but its cool cause it was raining. i just looove rainy days
tuesday, today..gonna go back to manila. we already have classes tomorrow. haaaay. what a weekend. bye bye 
what is it about rainy days that i love?
is it the cold weather? or the raindrops? the "home-y" feeling?
hmmm...i don't know actually. i just love rainy days. (not because its an excuse for having no classes,haha). it makes me feel warm and comfy. it also gives me time to look back at the past and realize all the things i've done in my life.
i admit, i pretty much wasted my life with such pathetic stuff. hehe. but i think its because i haven't truly focused myself into my goals and my dreams. all throughout my 17 years of journey through this unforgiving world, it seems that i always got stuck on the things that i thought were BEAUTIFUL but are actually not. i oftenly do it, but after, i keep blaming myself for doing it(get it?). yes, confusing, i know. it's just life doing its own daily routine, testing your courage and faith, giving you hard ships and obstacles. but i guess, life wouldn't be wonderful if it weren't for those problems.
often times, we take our lives for granted, we take ourselves for granted and we take others for granted. actually, we need not blame others for our misfortune. its us who do it to ourselves. there's no such thing as LUCK. all our accomplishments and achievements are our own hard labor and God blesses us always. our lives are in God's hands.
i came to a point when i said "no more, i've had enough, take my life...it's useless..". i was tired and helpless. and life seems to go on the opposite direction. it was unforgiving. i was just 17 and all i was talking about were my problems. i didn't realize that people all around the world feel the same way as i do. i was selfish. but, i realized that i can go on with my life knowing that i have my family, my friends and God at my side.
back to rainy days. i thank God for rainy days. it gives me time to take a look at myself and correct my mistakes, go on with life-HAPPY.
i got home from school about 5:30 p.m. went to my apartment, cause my dad's waiting there, he just got off the plane from thailand. we were gonna go home to bataan. we took the taxi to Doroteo Jose at around 6p.m., right to the bus station. the taxi driver was so talkative, like he asked, "taga bataan ba kayo?" as if he needs to know that, and all that hostage thing in lubao, it frightened me more, so i listened to the music on my phone, put on my earphones, to avoid that oh so unnecessary conversation. it's a long trip home, more or less 3 hours. but mom's waiting for us in pampanga. so it's just 1 and a half hours.
anyway, i wanted to take bataan transit, since you know, the hostage taking in lubao, it was a genesis bus, so i was kinda scared. but my dad insisted on going on the genesis bus, since its faster. oh no, dang! i was saying my prayers already. we waited on the bus station for 30 mins, waitng for the passengers to fill up the bus. i was getting bored. i was hungry(didn't eat dinner). i wanted to get home, bad. halfway to pampanga. the sucking genesis bus stopped right at the middle of the bridge. i smelled something that stinks. i thought we stopped cause a passenger is getting off, but i looked outside the window, and we were still on the highway. and i was sort of in panic(in my mind of course, haha), like "is there something wrong with the bus?". then, the bus took off, finally. i was almost in relief.
then, we went right past SM pampanga, and right infront of a tv station tower, the genesis bus stopped. i smelled burning rubber. ew, like err. whew, at least the bus didn't explode! the good thing is, my mom arrived and picked us up. finally, i was in relief, but the my stomach is growling. i was hungry like err. i didn't eat dinner! we went in a fastfood chain in northwalk, and got food in me. hunger solved!haha..
hmm, we were still an hour away from home. i slept like a baby in the car, and finally, home sweet home! i missed the house, the soft couches, clean floors, sanitized bathroom, soft pillows! yey! i think i got used to manila too much. haha. being a manila girl is so frustrating, the long trips, homesickness, cause i grew up in a province, where there is peace and quiet. manila is as busy as a bee. all those cars puffing smoke, all those different kinds of people, all those gross bugs, ew, rats! such a nightmare. good thing is that i'm enjoying dlsu, all my cool friends and profs and all those activities, plus, i just go to class 4 days a week! still a long weekend. haha. i still have to endure college for 3 years. haha.
anyway, i'm still living my life, hard, i guess, but fun and cool.haha;p
PS:THIS IS JUST ONE GUY(EMPHASIS ON THE "ONE", YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)
"LOVE CATASTROPHE"-feel THE excruciating pain. it sucks, guys suck, don't you think? oyeah.
what beats the feeling of seeing the GUY you love with somebody else? oyeah, HARD AS HELL. tell me about it.
one moment, HE tells you, "oh, girl, you're everything to me", next thing you know HE leaves you hanging.and HE gives you "that look" on HIS face, saying duh, like, "i hope we can be friends..YOU LEFT ME, AND NOW YOU TELL ME LET'S BE FRIENDS? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? ok, ok..this is crap..wth..it's like so much STUPIDITY..we've gone through a lot..you made me feel the sweetest and the most wonderful things i've ever imagined, now you tell me this?! WHAT AM I TO YOU,FOOLISH?!
now HE gives you this forgive-me-please statements and expect you to do so. HELLO?! i'm not dumb, you're the one who's dumb, oyeah you gave up everything we had. what did you gain huh?! WHAT DID YOU GAIN FOR BREAKING MY HEART?!
YOU HAPPY?! don't you ever feel sorry for me, i'm the one who pities you. SUCH A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAN.
GOOD FOR ME, BAD FOR YOU. i'm gonna go on with my soooo happy life(YEAH, WITHOUT YOU) and i'll enjoy it with my so cool friends. LOL.
GOODBYE TO YOU..YEAH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. just drop dead, ok? it's your fault, ask everyone.
 | dream on | May 30, '08 11:48 AM
for everyone |
"it all starts with a dream.." I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart
And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun
I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life things in life gets so complicated when you hardly even know what you're truly aiming for. most of the time, you get caught up with the world full of strangers, unanswered questions, mysteries, queries, but apart from that, you ask yourself, WHO AM I? sixteen years have passed. all of a sudden, things change. to us, it all turned to impossible. hopes down, dreams crushed, what else? challenges oftenly overcome our lives. it's undeniable. each pace is full of hardships but it makes us strong. i've realized something. today is my time. it's not bad to dream, you just have to keep your head up and do your best in reaching it. it doesn't matter if people come on your way, it doesn't matter if you stumble. it's you own dream that will give you a push into achieving your best. all it takes is, BELIEVING IN WHAT YOU CAN DO.
may 26, 2008-first day as a frosh days before the first day, i was so anxious to get to school. yeah, like, DUH! it was la salle! one of the prominent schools of the country, but it turned out to be a big blurr.. MONDAY: first subject-math111, i thought psychology majors don't have math subjects. my impression about this subject was like, it's booooooorring! but it's not actually, it's kinda fun. our prof was cool. second subject-ZOOLOGY. yeah, i was ready to have this subject for the whole term, but i was so surprised when our prof actually taught something during the first day. aside from discussing the course syllabus, we learned about the cell. we had to stay for like, 2 hours?! our prof also had such a small voice, so i can't hear what he was saying, given that i was sitting infront(haha). third and last subject for the day-LAB BIO1. our prof was cool(so i thought), his subject wasn't THAT boring. we had our own microscopes. we viewed paramecium and such, but after an hour, he scolded one of my blockmates, it was like so scary(he's so cruel). he's my least fave prof now. haha. TUESDAY: first subject-CRITICAL THINKING. woow. at first, our prof came in, and it was like he ruled the world. he stared at us with those so-called cruel eyes while he gave out the course syllabus. but, oh well, as usual, i was wrong. he was so cool. he like, told stories related to critical thinking, and i love them. the whole period, i wasn't bored(though it was 8 in the morning). second subject-ANTHROPOLOGY. too bad, our prof never came in. third subject-INTRO TO PSYCHOLOGY. it was after lunch, and i was sooo sleepy. i entered the classroom with droopy eyes. but i like this subject though, it was very much applicable to life. and our prof wasn't that boring. WEDNESDAY: the day turned out to be boring and scary at the same time. first subject was cool, but next subjects were like, sooo boring. THURSDAY: last day of classes for the week(oyeah, i have no classes during fridays, weee!lucky me!haha). our first subject was so grool(great and cool at the same time). prof leoncini had his haircut. i believe he described it as, "bald with a football field on top of his head". LMAO. we had our own opinions. he was so open minded. and yes, he told stories again but they were grooler. haha. well, we met our prof in anthropology. she was a great prof. she was never boring. the third subject, we had groupings. i love my groupmates. they are so cool. last subject we had was P.E. it was good. so, my first week at la salle. i never regretted attending all of my classes. cool. ANIMO LA SALLE!
orientations are over. whew! really tiring though. for 2 days we had our orientation in de la salle university. first, froshies are welcomed with open arms, thanks to our ambassadors. *hehe*. on the first day, we were gathered at the center plaza. i found my block, block 45. yeeey! really nice people(my blockmates). at first, it was really frustrating knowing that you don't know anybody. it was a big university. but still, i had fun. we learned our lasallian prayers and we watched the performance of different groups belonging to the cultural arts office. *really cool*.we also had our campus tour, at least half of the university. hehe. it was a really cool first day of orientations. the second day was more filled with F-U-N! in the morning, we had our mass. we took the lasallian oath. *really cool! i'm an official lasallian now! yey! ANIMO LA SALLE!!*. in the afternoon, we had the chance to take a glance at the different organizations that make la salle fun *i'm planning to join one:D*. it was filled with super fun energy. but, later that afternoon, we watched our lasallian ambassadors do a dance number *go kuya louie!:)* we also got the chance to watch different dance groups perform. they're really passionate about what they're doing. all i can say is, "WOOOOW!!!!!". we also learned lasallian cheers. really cool. really fun. im anxious to go to the first day of school. super. ANIMO LA SALLE!!!!!
I have loved to the point of madness; That which is called madness, That which to me, Is the only sensible way to love. I see you, I feel you, I had you, I lost you. Visions of what used-to-be's are now just thoughts and dreams. Laughters, sorrows, happiness, cries, jokes, smiles, frowns, shrugs, pictures of time, starting to fade into simple memories. I can never blame you if I could not let you go. Everything seems to be just a fantasy that I could just wish, when I close my eyes, will all take place. It became too late for me to let you know. I tried to hide everything; the never ending cries every night, the pain I feel whenever I hear your voice, the pictures of wonderful yet hurtful memories with you, the fake smiles and laughters that I pretend to show whenever you're around, the time I spent blaming myself for what you did and, the indistinctively strong love I feel for you. The madness that love carries took over me. Letting it take over me was my biggest mistake. Moving on was the hardest part. I'm grateful because, somehow, you've shown me a thing or two about true bliss. You taught me to laugh. You taught me to fool around. You taught me to learn from my mistakes. You've shown me that even the little things will take space in the heart. You've shown me true friendship. You've shown me care. You gave me a temporary reason to be happy. The irony is, you never learned to love me. You left me longing for your love. You were given the chance. You promised but you lied to me. Yes, you did. You never cared, even if you said you did. You got angry when I told you, you didn't. You put the blame on me. But I never cursed you. Never. You took my heart, swore to take care of it whatever it takes, but you gave it back, BROKEN. SHOULD I PITY MYSELF? Will time heal my wounds? Will it hurt? Will it scar? Will it get all better in time? CAN I EVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU? Questions without answers. Events without explanations. Pain with no end. Wound without remedy. Scars that never fade. Devastated with despair. IT'S A LIE TO SAY THAT I'VE LET GO OF THE PAST. I CAN NEVER LET GO OF MEMORIES. EACH TEAR IS AN UNFORGETTABLE MEMORY. EACH SMILE IS AN UNDENIABLE MARK. EACH HEARTBREAK IS AN UNERASABLE SCAR. PAINFUL TRUTH.
 there is no particular reason why love strikes two people that are said to be "made for each other". they just fall madly inlove, and with the cliche', "..and they lived happily ever after..", they reinvent the truth and ignore what's really the main part of love-PAIN. i for one have experienced this kind of love. setting aside the truth, i lied to myself and had this ongoing fantasy in my mind, "..and they lived happily ever after..blah blah blah". fooling myself was my biggest and dumbest mistake. FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, I KEPT MYSELF HANGING ON A THREAD! (really stupid, i know). this misconception brought me to my ever dearest friend now, PAIN. devastating as it may seem, i've successfully splurged and plunged into the deepest of the deep sea of LIES. over and over in my head, i kept picturing myself with what's never going to happen , ever. i lost my dignity and hit the ground, hard. I've come abase. i've come to ABNEGATION, probably because of the tragedy that left me ABIOTIC and PITIFUL. the affliction of love left me broken, and it became too hard for me to move on, maybe because, though i deny it, i still feel the indistinctively strong love for him. i've gone through a heck of a lot of hardships throughout my life, from friend problems, to family problems, even problems to myself, but this maybe, is the worst. i tried to abate the pain. i wish it's just like howpain killers work, you just pop a pill in your mouth, and in about a few minutes, the pain goes away. too bad that's not how love works. you have to endure the pain no matter how hurtful it becomes. IT'S THE SAD TRUTH.
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